Love Yourself Enough to Be Your Own Valentine

“If you aren’t good at loving yourself, you will have a difficult time loving anyone, since you’ll resent the time and energy you give another person that you aren’t even giving to yourself.” –Barbara De Angelis

Do you love yourself?

If you’re a Southern woman, as I am, as soon as you hear that question, you’re thinking, Well, I do, but… And then you start adding all sorts of caveats after it. In the south, we’re brought up with the Biblical adage about not thinking more highly of ourselves than we ought (Romans 12:3).  We recognize, abstractly, the importance of self-esteem, but have a difficult time applying that to ourselves.

To me, loving yourself means according yourself the respect you would give any other human being. How often do you find yourself saying things in your head about yourself that you would never dream of saying aloud to your spouse or your child or your boss? We hold ourselves up to such a high standard, and pounce the moment we see some infraction.

Self-defense much?

I think it’s a defense mechanism, personally. I want to establish my unworthiness before anyone else can say it. But lack of self love isn’t part of the renewal/reinvention mindset. (As an aside, as I’m typing this in Word, the program underlined “self love” in the previous sentence, wanting me to hyphenate it. Beneath that, it listed a definition: “egotism, selfishness, egocentrism.” See? Even Word thinks it’s a bad thing!)

Loving yourself means you care for yourself, and want the best for yourself. You can’t provide a drink of cool water to the thirsty if your own well is dry. We understand that kind of love doesn’t mean egotism or boasting about how wonderful we are. I need to recognize my faults, sure, but instead of beating myself up over them, I need to work on them in a loving, caring way.


Have compassion on yourself. Be your own valentine.

Tagged! Responding at Last

I’m sorry to say I’m just getting around to responding to Cari’s post in which she tagged me. Herewith are 10–nay, 12–random things about me.

Ten Random Things About Me

  1. I was born in Huntsville, Alabama, known as the “Rocket City.” Growing up, I heard rockets being tested nearly every day.
  2. I sang alto for years, until I took voice lessons. Now I’m a mezzosoprano.
  3. When I was 3 years old, I amazed my pediatrician by telling him about igneous, sedimentary and metamorphic rocks. My mom thought all kids did that.
  4. At about age 8, I cataloged any book around the house I could get my hands on, making check-out cards for them in little pockets in the back and labels on the spine. (Remember: olden days, before computerized libraries.) Yeah, becoming a catalog librarian was kinda inevitable.
  5. I was a charter member of the Star Trek club (“ASTRA”–Area Star Trek Readers Association) organized in my high school. Um, yeah, I had a command uniform with the little skirt, made for me by my grandmother from the official pattern. Dang difficult to make, too! And I wrote a script for a Star Trek movie, with me as the Vulcan captain. Not sure if we filmed any of it.
  6. I own two real swords (a hand-and-a-half longsword and a basket-hilt rapier) and one decorative one. I would own more if they weren’t so expensive. I adore medieval weaponry, and would have an archery range in my backyard if my husband and friends didn’t insist I’d put someone’s eye out.
  7. I got accepted into the creative writing class in high school with a truly awful murder mystery short story that hinged on verde being Spanish for green. I’m not sure I wrote much worthwhile in that class, except for a poem called Solitaire that my brother set to music and peformed on guitar.
  8. One of my all-time favorite TV shows is Kolchak: The Night Stalker. Look it up, it’s way awesome, and heavily influenced other horror TV, notably X-Files. Darren McGavin was more than just the (marvelous) dad in A Christmas Story.
  9. My favorite outdoor activity is visiting cemeteries, the older, the better.
  10. I’ve played the following pen-and-paper roleplaying games, roughly in order, during two periods of my life: 1977-1986: Dungeons & Dragons (1st edition & Advanced), Metamorphosis: Alpha, Gamma World, Traveller, Call of Cthulhu (still my favorite), Middle Earth Roleplaying Game (MERP), Rolemaster, Gangbusters, Empire of the Petal Throne, Pendragon; 2002-present: Dungeons & Dragons (3rd edition, 3.5, 4th edition), d20 Modern, Space:1889, GURPS, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Mutants & Masterminds, Unknown Armies, Pendragon, d20 Call of Cthulhu, Conan the RPG, Pathfinder. I’m pretty sure I forgot some.
  11. I have a comics pull list at a comic book store in Cahaba Heights.
  12. My first computer was a Kaypro II. I paid about $1500 for it in 1984.

Well, I think my geek cred is pretty well established by that list. I did go a little over, but those last two seemed to round it out nicely.

Thanks for doing this, Cari!